Friendship

You walk into class and get in your seat,
But before you get there, you trip over your feet.

You’re trying to sit down without being the class clown,
Then you fall to the ground saying, ‘Who pushed me down?’

You try to erase the first moments of class,
So you get up to ask the teacher for a pass.

Going through class then to the computer room,
When the late bell rings you’ve got to use the bathroom.

You get to P.E and then to Math class,
Trying to go the bathroom but they won’t give you a pass.

You sit in your seat but can’t stand the heat,
As you get up you use the bathroom in your seat.

For the rest of the day you are gloomy and gray,
‘Cause you cannot believe what had happened that day.

You go home to tell your parents why you’re mad,
Then they laugh and say it isn’t all that bad.

You go to your room and cry the night away,
Then you wake and laugh at what happened that day.

Woke early one morning,
the earth lay cool and still,
when suddenly a tiny bird,
perched on my window sill,
it sang a song so lovely,
so carefree and so gay,
that slowly all my troubles,
began to slip away,
it sang of far off places,
of laughter and of fun,
it seemed his very song,
brought out the morning sun,
I pulled back the covers,
and crept slowly out of bed,
and gently shut the window,
and crushed his freaking head,
I’m not a morning person

Every night when darkness falls
an innocent kitten breaks cat law.
Balancing like an acrobat,
walks along an oak tree branch.
Hurry’s over the roof with speed.
Then begins his robbing scheme.
Jumps from the roof with a silent fall,
hits the ground and jumps a wall.
Through the neighbor’s fence and gate,
to their cats water and takes a drink.
Then another-then another-then,
SLURP!!!!!!
Finally the last bit is gone.
It is now time for the foods downfall.
Smells good to a cat. Like fish.
The cat dives for the food like a fruit bat that has just spotted an orchard.
CRUNCH!!!!!
The last survivors are destroyed.
Then as silently as he had come,
the thief is gone.
In the morning when I open the door.
The innocent kitten sits there like before.
Until the next night, my little friend.
Until the next night,
when the dark kitty ninja strikes again.

Zarephath Tale
There once were some among the living
Who made their living by skinny dipping
They would sneak into a rich person’s pool
Strip themselves naked those silly old fools
Dive headfirst into the liquid stuff
And pray not to be found while in the buff
One day while in the sport of naked diving
They swam around and began contriving
A plan that if done would for many weeks
Have the whole town talking of their butt cheeks
‘I have a thought!’ said Ty, the oldest lad
‘Today we will start the next great fad!
You know how teens think it fun and games
To imprint cement by writing their names?
We will do likewise, this is quite true
But names are too common, our butts we will do!’
With plan in mind they set off at a pace
To find fresh cement that they could disgrace
But lest you think these 3 guys immodest
They put back on pants, I’m being honest!
Down street they walked seeing some obstruction
Which happened to be a site of construction
‘Here’s our chance!’ said the youngest of the 3
‘The cement is still wet over by that tree!’
A cruel joke played lady luck on them that day
For that cement was made to dry right away
As it was touched the mixture cemented
Leaving their behinds forever indented
In the same ground they had meant to sully
Yet they did not see their problem fully
For many a bird was in that dear tree
Ready to do’well, you know what it be!
As they sat there in their naked glory
(Forgot to mention that part of the story)
They grossed out strangers not for being nude
But being covered in digested bird food!
They saw the man with the big jackhammer
Come and release them before the slammer
Became their home for their rude disclosure
That the courts called indecent exposure
As the boys spent the night locked in a cell
They learned their lesson and they learned it well
To keep clothes on at all possible times
To avoid being taxed with heavy fines
And as for a life filled with naked swims
Avoid at all costs such childish whims!

Warning:: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren’t enough and most guys just ain’t pretty.
So let’s get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you’ll see that it needn’t always seem so shitty.

Though most guys aren’t cute,
The numbers are ample
And it’s less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let’s check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn’t work you can always just screw some.)
With a click and a drag of your mouse you’ll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.

As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He’s a bit of a freak, it is sad but it’s true,
But the real horror is that you know you’re one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It’s safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.

When you discover there’re choices there’s always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it’s all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation:: degrading.

Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You’ll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.

Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn’t so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.

Still it’s true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
‘Specially if he’s ‘friends’ with a Tom, Dick or Larry.

So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!