Friendship

Every night when darkness falls
an innocent kitten breaks cat law.
Balancing like an acrobat,
walks along an oak tree branch.
Hurry’s over the roof with speed.
Then begins his robbing scheme.
Jumps from the roof with a silent fall,
hits the ground and jumps a wall.
Through the neighbor’s fence and gate,
to their cats water and takes a drink.
Then another-then another-then,
SLURP!!!!!!
Finally the last bit is gone.
It is now time for the foods downfall.
Smells good to a cat. Like fish.
The cat dives for the food like a fruit bat that has just spotted an orchard.
CRUNCH!!!!!
The last survivors are destroyed.
Then as silently as he had come,
the thief is gone.
In the morning when I open the door.
The innocent kitten sits there like before.
Until the next night, my little friend.
Until the next night,
when the dark kitty ninja strikes again.

Zarephath Tale
There once were some among the living
Who made their living by skinny dipping
They would sneak into a rich person’s pool
Strip themselves naked those silly old fools
Dive headfirst into the liquid stuff
And pray not to be found while in the buff
One day while in the sport of naked diving
They swam around and began contriving
A plan that if done would for many weeks
Have the whole town talking of their butt cheeks
‘I have a thought!’ said Ty, the oldest lad
‘Today we will start the next great fad!
You know how teens think it fun and games
To imprint cement by writing their names?
We will do likewise, this is quite true
But names are too common, our butts we will do!’
With plan in mind they set off at a pace
To find fresh cement that they could disgrace
But lest you think these 3 guys immodest
They put back on pants, I’m being honest!
Down street they walked seeing some obstruction
Which happened to be a site of construction
‘Here’s our chance!’ said the youngest of the 3
‘The cement is still wet over by that tree!’
A cruel joke played lady luck on them that day
For that cement was made to dry right away
As it was touched the mixture cemented
Leaving their behinds forever indented
In the same ground they had meant to sully
Yet they did not see their problem fully
For many a bird was in that dear tree
Ready to do’well, you know what it be!
As they sat there in their naked glory
(Forgot to mention that part of the story)
They grossed out strangers not for being nude
But being covered in digested bird food!
They saw the man with the big jackhammer
Come and release them before the slammer
Became their home for their rude disclosure
That the courts called indecent exposure
As the boys spent the night locked in a cell
They learned their lesson and they learned it well
To keep clothes on at all possible times
To avoid being taxed with heavy fines
And as for a life filled with naked swims
Avoid at all costs such childish whims!

Warning:: May be inappropriate for anyone in earshot
Dating is tough for a gal in the city
Cuz brains aren’t enough and most guys just ain’t pretty.
So let’s get down to details both nitty and gritty,
And you’ll see that it needn’t always seem so shitty.

Though most guys aren’t cute,
The numbers are ample
And it’s less overwhelming to start with a sample.
So let’s check out some options on becoming a twosome,
(And if that doesn’t work you can always just screw some.)
With a click and a drag of your mouse you’ll find guys,
Though some things are better off left to surprise.

As he sheds off his screenname of BigJew4You,
You choke back the tears as you try not to spew.
He’s a bit of a freak, it is sad but it’s true,
But the real horror is that you know you’re one too.
So to see if your true personalities mesh,
It’s safer to meet face to face, in the flesh.

When you discover there’re choices there’s always speed-dating,
Some guys are exciting, while some leave you hating.
But it’s all in good fun with the prospect of mating,
It can be quite interesting. Translation:: degrading.

Though there are many men on the streets of New York,
He might not keep kosher, aka-he eats pork,
But unless you are ready for a wedding and a stork,
You’ll be lucky to find one who knows how to fork.

Though it sometimes feels hopeless, that just isn’t so,
Remember that each trial helps you to grow,
So until your Prince Charming rides in on that horse,
Enjoy the adventure though it may seem off course.

Still it’s true that dating is often quite scary,
Some young guys are bald, while others are hairy.
Neither of which you are dying to marry,
‘Specially if he’s ‘friends’ with a Tom, Dick or Larry.

So beware of speed dating and the internet site,
And believe me dear ladies, I too take this plight,
So until you should stumble upon Mr. Right,
Happy Dating to all, and to all a good fright!

A scream shot through the frigid air
In Fairbanks by the street
Two moose together by the road
Just one was on its feet

The parents covered children’s eyes
So that they couldn’t see
The cops arrived but far too late
The moose began to flee

A prize for if you find the moose
Was promised to the peeps
For Fairbanks had a special law
Moose can’t screw in the streets

All down the road the moose were chased
Escaping at the end
But right away the cops showed up
And flew around the bend

The sound of shots rang through the air
The cops had acted fast
The guns had finished firing
That moose had humped his last

A scream shot through the frigid air
In Fairbanks by the street
Two moose together by the road
Just one was on its feet

Oh how I wish I was a fish to swim in the deep blue sea.
I would swim up and down and all around in laps of two or three.
There would be no rules to follow,all fun down here.
On land rules are trouble,a real pain in the rear.
Humans are not wanted down here and for them you must always look.
For they only want to see us fish dangling from their hook.
A sea full of wonder,yes that’s the life for me.
Oh how I wish to be a fish and one day soon I’ll be!

As the snow begins to melt, and grass beings to grow
The time has come again for every senior to know
Graduation is approaching, school will soon end.
No more boring homework, no drama among friends.
Summer will be excellent, relaxing in the sun.
We won’t look back on what we’ve done
Because high school is soon over and young children must move on
After lugging around heavy backpacks, we are all very brawn.
Laughing, smiling, secrets and surprises
Are almost forgotten about when graduation arises.
So here’s to the glory years, all the fun times we shared.
Get ready for the college years, is anyone prepared?

Yesterday on my trip to the zoo
I saw four purple penguins
and an orange kangaroo.
Our tour guide was a monkey
wearing polka dot pants
He showed us around
and taught us the baboon dance.
I saw llamas snorkeling
and bears playing catch
but best of all was the chipmunks
teaching the lion to fetch.
The goats behind the counter
served us hot dogs and pop,
and a great big elephant did the bunny hop!
I can’t wait to go back to this zoo
Maybe next time I’ll bring you too!!

Ode to the Lehnert name,
The Lehnert name is dead.
For asleep in the other room,
Lays three Princesses in bed.

With earrings in their ears,
And polish on their pinkies.
I checked and checked and checked again,
But couldn’t find their winkies.

They’re all a little different,
But I love them just the same.
When it comes to their genetics,
There is no one else to blame.

My little swimmers swam,
But came up somewhat short.
So now I play in castles,
Instead of army forts.

They’re gonna grow up fast,
But it should be lots of fun.
When it comes the time for them to date,
I will buy a bigger gun.

So it’s time for me to hang it up,
It’s time for me to go.
But no one said I couldn’t teach,
Them how to catch and throw.

Every morning I lie there innocently sleeping
When the peace is ruptured by a horrible beeping.
My serenity ripped asunder, sudden and drastic
By this evil, demonic, red-eyed piece of plastic.

I roll over in pain and pound on the snooze,
Groaning, moaning, thinking ‘What’s there to lose?’
‘Don’t make me get up, just nine minutes more.’
The same thing I’ve said every morning before.

It’s not that I hate mornings or dread the new day.
It’s just that I loathe waking up in this way.
I’d much rather simply rise up with the light,
Glowing in the window, chasing away the night.

But the sudden screaming, the incessant fuss,
Makes me want to yell and cry and simply to cuss.
Especially the knowledge that all of my sorrow
Will be repeated the same time, same way, tomorrow.

Who gets the cracker
crumbs from the snacker
the ones the dogs can’t get at?

For there is a bug
deep down in the rug
he’s small and wears a little hat.

He loves his life fine,
for he eats all the time,
from chips to chocolate ice cream,

from morsels of cake
to pieces of steak
and everything in between.

He eats pieces of toast
which he likes the most
but he is not at all picky,

he also gets sweets
when the kids get treats
and those can be quite sticky.

He’s gotten a bit fat
and can’t wear his hat
and the house just got a new pup,

they got a little pug
who saw the bug in the rug
and one day licked him up!